I’m dedicating today’s post to the kind man who offered me some Cheetos at 1am this morning in the Arts computer lab, and also to English lecturer Ned Curthoys, who is yet to receive my essay that was due today.
To be honest, I’d kind of forgotten about guild elections until I walked past Maddie Mulholland (STAR presidential candidate) in the Ref a few hours ago while en route to my daily kebab (falafel, with sweet chilli and garlic sauce). I sort of smiled at her and tried to make eye contact, but I don’t think she knows who I am, even though I’m pretty sure we went on law camp together, maybe. Is that not a bond for life? My memories of the law camp experience are admittedly hazy at best – essentially just a nightmarish montage of sweaty men in togas with a Gorillaz song playing over the top of it, capped off with some dude screaming “OH FUCK, WHO SHAT ON MY BED?” What I’m saying is, I might not actually remember very well what Ms Mulholland looks like. I’m a very busy student journalist, and can’t be expected to remember the names and distinguishing features of every single law student in a chic Marcs trench coat walking around campus.
I’ve recently been made aware that Star is an ACRONYM, and should therefore be styled STAR. Possibly Liberty Launch is an acronym, too. So much of this election is shrouded in mystery already. I feel very tired.
Re: Monday’s ballot draw. Sources have pointed out that STAR had fewer bodies in the room than their rivals Liberty Launch. I cannot confirm or deny this, as I was overwhelmed by existential malaise at the time. I can confirm that Launch (LAUNCH?) candidates were wearing more body paint than their peers. I can also confirm that my little brother went to primary school with Liam Staltari, who is running the Launch presidential campaign.
Other election rumours that may or not be interesting to you, pretty much contingent on how boring a person you are, include:
The supposed emergence of a new international student-oriented ticket! This is a deal, because international students usually give STAR a big vote boost.
Pelican has received some definitely totally unbiased reports from an anonymous source that Rhys Tucker (the Launch presidential candidate) “has focused so much on the Launch campaign that he has almost abandoned ECOMS, looking more like an ageing ceremonial leader than a Fac Soc president by the day”. I’d like to point out that these are anon’s words, not mine. I think that he looks like a very nice boy.
Launch’s new commie colour scheme has been abandoned by some disgruntled Young Liberals party members, who are now wearing blue in protest. A certain Guild staff member (Tony) also ran into trouble today when he accidentally aligned himself with the newly formed UCK party by wearing a purple tie. Where will the madness end?
Keep the hot tipz coming to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Words by Kat Gillespie