In a stunning turn of events, a local father of three has tried to stamp his mark on the pandemic by sporting a colourful bandana.
Looking something like a 19th century highwayman out to steal dried goods from unsuspecting wayfarers, the man has ignored public health advice that clearly states bandanas should not be worn as facemasks under any circumstances.
“Yeah, well so what if it’s not safe [to wear a bandana], I still have something on my face don’t I?” the self-described ‘Bandana Dad’ blurted, unsolicited, to his adult children.
“I’m doing my part to keep myself safe. I pay my taxes and if the government wants me to wear a mask then they can’t tell me which masks I can or cannot wear. Those big-wigs should just be grateful that I’m wearing anything at all.”
When asked whether he would switch to the recommended medical-grade masks, Bandana Dad was circumspect.
“We’ll see, we’ll see. What we need to be asking ourselves is what right does the government have to intrude on our individual freedoms and liberties?”
“Also, I don’t want to pay the six dollars fifty. Six fifty is far too tight for masks. I say, if the community needs this ‘protection’ that much then they can bloody well shell out the dough themselves. I’ll save my mosh for leather boots and a fat poncho thank you very much, good day.”
“I’m making a statement direct from me to big [state] government. In Western times they had facial protection too and it came in bandana form. Yeah, okay, some trains may have been burglarised along the way, but that’s just the way it was.”
Bandana Dad has declined to clarify any of these comments, only mentioning that it was approaching high noon before fleeing on horseback. Our reporters attempted to give chase, but Bandana Dad unfortunately disappeared into the sunset.
In unrelated news, Transperth’s Fremantle line has been experiencing technical difficulties today and passengers should expect delays. It is unclear what caused the disruption, but we will endeavour to update you as soon as we have more details.
More to come, as this story develops.
Campbell Williamson, for legal reasons, cannot and does not support “getting on the beers.”
Words by Campbell Williamson