[Light, poppy intro music]

Bridget: Hello everyone, and welcome to Season Two of Better Late than Fresher, the wonderful fortnightly podcast where we check in with fresher student Cohen and see how he’s going with his university experience, and pass down a little bit of knowledge, and a bit of wholesome advice from generation to generation. Season Two baby!

Cohen: Season two, here we are.

B: We’re into Semester two.

C: And they thought it wouldn’t last. [laughs]

B: They thought it wouldn’t last. We still don’t have the sponsorship.

C: Oh crap. Well, that’s all right.

B: But we’re back for season two.

C: Yeah.

B: After a brief hiatus over the holidays.

C: That’s right.

B: We’re ready and revving to go.

C: Oh yeah, we are.

B: Now, the main question- how did exams go?

C: Okay so exams, like, themselves were terrible, like it was the worst week of my life.

B: Yep.

C: I only had three-

B: You only had three-

C: -and they were only 2 hours each.

B: -and it was the worst week of your life.

C: Yeah, exactly. Because I was in Winthrop Hall for two of them.

B: That’s scary. Winthrop Hall’s really big and really…

C: It is.

B: It’s the feeling of being in a church.

C: Yes

B: It’s just an odd place to do an exam.

C: God was watching.

B: Yeah-

C: God was watching.

B: -through the big stained-glass window.

C: Yes.

B: It’s just… yeah.

C: Exactly, and I found the officiator was terrifying.

B: Yep, they always are.

C: Every other officiator in the room was so lovely and so nice, but this one, like I’m sure she’s a lovely person. I’m just sure she was very stressed because I was terrified of her the whole time- the whole time.

B: They’re either stone-cold bitches, or they’re really lovely.

C: Yesss!

B: It’s not dichotomy.

C: Oh yes. God, ugh it was so bad.

B: Yep.

C: So, I had my Politics and Law and Society one in Winthrop Hall.

B: Yep.

C: And I had my Spanish exam

B: Oh, we’ll get to that one I think, I feel like that’s gonna be the big finale.

C: Yeah.

B: How was politics?

C: Umm… it was… it was reasonable. You know how I told you earlier that, um, the lecturer of like the politics unit accidentally posted the exam on lecture capture system?

B: Yup and we were saying, um, to go and look back on the exam and say- yup!

C: And he absolutely yoted it back down and was like, “Changing the entire exam”? He didn’t.

B and C: [Laugh]

B: Of course, he didn’t.

C: Yeah.

B: Welcome to UWA.

C: He changed like two questions, I’m pretty sure. But what the annoying thing was that people who got the exam safeguarded it like it was the cure to cancer.

B: Mmm.

C: Would not let anyone else have it. One of my friends sent me like three questions from the exam and I accepted it as a compromise, and like- [laughs]

B: Wow, bargaining chip.

C: I know.

B: Far out.

C: Yeah.

B: Okay.

C: I know, it was crazy, like…

B: Hot property.

C: The amount of power that those people had, they instantly became BNOCs as soon as they got it.

B: [laughs]

C: Everybody wanted a piece of it.

B: Guild president in two years’ time.

C: Literally, yeah.

B: Yep, we’ll elevate you to vice president next year.

C: [laughs]

B: It’s fine.

C: Yeah, exactly.

B: Yeah okay.

C: But um, I did pretty well, so I was happy.

B: Excellent, that’s fantastic.

C: Yeah.

B: Um, what about Law and Society?

C: Um, that one surprised me, cause I thought I failed it as soon as I walked out the door, but I didn’t, like-

B: Really?

C: Yeah.

B: You have those types of exams where you sit down, and you think I’ve cooked it, it’s going to be the worst…

C: Exactly.

B: And then you get it back and you’re like hmm I think we were generous, with this marking.

C: Yeah, exactly.

B: Uh- yeah.

C: Like there was a question about, in there about moral panics.

B: Mmm.

C: Which is, which I’m sure you know about.

B: Yeah.

C: Which has been like people, making legislation, about people being irrationally scared of things. Yeah. I talked about sharks and guns in the same paragraph.


B: That is wild.

C: Yeah.

B: Like I can see how they connect, but like…

C: I was like… yeah. Sometimes you’re just writing in an exam and you’re like, “This is shit, this is shit, this is the worst thing I’ve ever written in my life”.

B: Yeah when the invigilator goes you know “Fifteen minutes warning” you just like, you go-

C: Time to go.

B: Pedal to the metal, you just gotta put something down.

C: Yeah, I had to… as soon as she said that, I had to change my intro from five paragraphs to only three points. [Laughs]

B: You just go into dot point mode.

C: Literally.

B: Like boom boom boom.

C: Yeah, just like thank you very much, thanks.

B: [laughs]

C: And xoxo.

B: That’s all done in here.

C: Yeah, it’s good.

B: Okay, so you did better in that one than you thought?

C: Yeah, yeah, no, that one was good. That surprised me.

B: Awesome.

C: Yeah.

B: And then Spanish…

C: Spanish was wild, okay.

B: [laughs]

C: It was wild.

B: Uh-huh.

C: It was an adventure. So, the way they set that out is they have a culture section at the start, and that’s based off 12 weeks of culture lectures.

B: You were saying that they give you the questions beforehand? Or they were…

C: Kind of, but they give you bit of like an overview of what you might have. Like we got 12 questions that it might be…

B: Yep.

C: But um, everyone, okay so each of the lectures were like one week was on the civil war, one week was on Spanish art, one week was on literature, one week was on geography-

B: That’s broad.

C: Its very broad, so we were like okay, a question might be an overview of the Spanish civil war, so there’s a week worth of content in there.

B: In a question?

C: In the question and we were like okay, we can do that. We opened it, and it was “What is Las Meninas?”, and I’d never heard of her.

B: What? Who is- what is that?

C: It’s a painting.

B: It’s a painting.

C: Anddd I had never ever heard of it in my entire life, and no one else had.

B: Really?

C: Yeah.

B: It wasn’t taught in the content?

C: Oh, it was taught in the content, but it was like, it was kind of minor.

B: They always do that.

C: Yep.

B: They’ll pull like the one minor point.

C: Yeah.

B: Yeah.

C: And that was like a paragraph question.

B: Yeah.

C: And I was like I can’t leave this blank.

B: Yeah, you gotta do something.

C: Like, exactly.

B: Yep.

C: So I was kinda colouring outside the lines a little bit, I kinda blanked and just said that Shakira wrote it.

B: [laughing] Oh my goodness.

C: And I was just like it’s a… I- I said it was a book.

B: Yeah.

C: And I was like it’s like a… very good interpretation of Spanish Catholicism.

B: So you just bullshitted this entire answer based off a title of a painting you’ve never seen.

C: Yeah and I didn’t understand the title either.

B: Oh my god.

C: Yeah.

B: Oh my god, okay.

C: Do you know the best part is?

B: Trainwreck. What?

C: I did really well in that exam.


B: Except for this question.

C: Yep.

B: Except for this.

C: I don’t know what happened.

B: Oh, cause you don’t get exams back at UWA, so you wouldn’t… you were not even able to see…

C: Exactly.

B: Oh my god.

C: But like it was super crazy though.

B: Yeah.

C: The amount of people that left, as soon as they were able to, was insane.

B: Yeah?

C: Literally about half the people in the room stood up… some of them were kinda like mm, and kind of like absorbed back into themselves.

B: Right.

C: About a quarter of them just handed their exam paper in, left in a huff, they were so angry.

B: Really?

C: Yeah, one of the guys just threw open the door and started swearing as soon as he got out there. Other people were just kind of sighing and just reading the same question over and over again.

B: Spanish coup. Oh my god.

C: I was sitting in the front like I’m fairly confident with every other part of the exam. Yeah, so there were so many people that were so angry.

B: Yeah.

C: And I left right before like no one else was allowed to leave?

B: Yeah.

C: I got up and there were five people in the room still.

B: Wow.

C: Yeah.

C: At least you gave it a shot.

C: True.

B: At least you did your best.

C: Yeah, and there’s like, it’s not a bad unit. Like it was really good, and it was like fun to learn and stuff, but I don’t think anyone was prepared for that.

B: Yeah. And that happens you know, you get exams where you walk out of it or you just open the exam page and you go “Oh my God”, like it’s something that’s very minor topic or it’s something we haven’t covered in depth.

C: Yeah.

B: It’s just like not on and you’re sitting there, and you have to think and be like “What do I do? What do I do? Like do I have a contingency plan? Like how am I gonna deal with this?”

C: Exactly.

B: You feel like getting up and walking out.

C: Yeah.

B: But I think the smartest thing to do is what you did and just be like knuckle down-

C: Literally.

B: -put some bullshit on the page, let’s just sort it out.

C: I know for a fact that nothing that I wrote in that paragraph was right.


C: But it gave-

B: But you wrote it

C: Literally it gave-

B: But you wrote it

C: It gave me the strength to go through every other part of that exam and go, “Do I have a mark there? Yes.”

B: Yup.

C: Do I have one here? No.

B: Yup.

C: Write that down again.

B: Yup.

C: Like come on, let’s do it.

B: Yup.

C: And yeah.

B: I’ll tell you what torture is. For our property law unit that we’re doing this semester, land law, we have to get our exams back from last semester from the property unit we did.

C: What?

B: And do a critique of it.

C: Of your own exam?

B: Of your own exam.

C: Ohh-

B: So we get them back.

C: -my god.

B: We have to look it dead in the face and be like, “Oh so that’s the answer that I wrote where I had no idea about what I was doing-

C: Oh my god.

B: And I have to give a critique of it and so it’s basically writing to your unit coordinator being like, “I’m so sorry I stuffed up so badly, like please forgive me.”

C: Oh my God, that’s like a confessional on a reality tv show.

B: Basically!

C: Like she’s so stupid, she-


B: I can’t even remember writing this, um, but good thing for you, you don’t usually get your exams back. You can just get rid of them.

C: That’s a very good thing.

B: They’re gone, and you don’t have to critique them.

C: Yeah. Yup. Yeah.

B: Post them and get your mark back.

C: Exactly. Yeah.

B: So where were you when you got your marks back?

C: I was-

B: Cause you’ve been travelling around.

C: Yeah, I was in Sri Lanka.

B: Yep.

C: And um, like because I did not expect to do well.

B: Yep.

C: And like I did. I did well, I was happy.

B: Yeah, good.

C: Yeah I didn’t expect to, so…

B: I mean first year is so easy to just, if you do well that’s great but first year you can bounce back from that so-

C: Exactly, so um, I remember we were on the way out and I got the email and it was like, “Here are your results”, and I was like hunnnnnnn I’m gonna ignore this today, I wanna have a good time.

B: Yeah [laugh]

C: And dad was like, “Have your results come out yet?” and I was like “No, no they have not.”

B: Funny that.

C: I’m still waiting on them

B: Yep

C: So then like, I did a bit of my holiday and everyday I’d open up my email and be like, is today the day where I wanna face this?

B: Yep.

C: And like one day I was feeling really good about myself and I was sitting in the bathroom in our hotel room.

B: Like you’re looking at a pregnancy test.

C: Yeah literally, I was like if I start crying I can just get in the shower like… [laughing] and I opened it and I was like “Oh my god!”

B: Yeah.

C: Like it was so like…

B: Yeah.

C: It was such a relief.

B: It’s, it’s- it’s yeah, it’s a weird feeling.

C: Yeah.

B: Cause they always say as well, they’re like, “The results will come out on the Friday”, and like they said Friday the 13th was gonna be the day back in July.

C: That’s fitting isn’t it, like…

B: Yeah that’s very fitting.

C: Yeah.

B: But then they came out on a Tuesday, they always drop them early.

C: Ridiculous.

B: Yeah. Early album, drop, it’s not good.

C: [laughs]

B: Oh well, at least you conquered that.

C: Yeah.

B: You did fine.

C: I felt good.

B [Clapping in beat]: Now you have to do it all again. Semester two.

C: The sequel.

[Clap in background]

C: He’s back and this time it’s personal.

B: And this time it’s personal. [laughs] And are you doing Spanish again? Do we have the joy of continuing on your Spanish journey?

C: No, lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice.

B: Dammit.

C: So I’m going to count my blessings.

B: So what units are you doing this semester?

C: So I’m doing pols, like the-

B: 1102?

C: Yep the international unit.

B: Yep.

C: The international system.

B: Yep.

C: Um, I had a lecture today.

B: Wonderful.

C: Didn’t go to it.


B: Nothing changes folks, nothing changes.

C: Then I have, um, crime and society.

B: Okay.

C: The law and society unit.

B: Yep

C: That’s my only lecture in the octagon that threw me off.

B: We’ll get you out of the octagon soon enough.

C: Thank you. um, ive got internation legal systems which is the second-year law and society unit.

B: Yep.

C: And then and I am also doing Drugs That Changed The World.

B: Ohhh.

C: Yeah.

B: This unit is fantastic apparently.

C: Yeah.

B: It’s very easy and very interesting from what I’ve heard.

C: They have switched up the entire course…

B: Oh?

C: This semester though.

B: Oh okay.

C: So it should still be good, like I went over the, I did the first etute yesterday cause they put it in the 21st century.

B: Oooh, see you know you got a hip and happening unit, you know, when you do an etute.

C: Yeah [laughs].

B: And workshops.

C: Yeah.

B: And lectorials.

C: Lectorials, yeah.

B: Yes.

C: It should be easier in one respect because apparently the textbook has always been useless.

B: Great.

C: So they’ve written their own one.

B: Oh! what the students have or the teachers have?

C: Oh the teachers did.

B: Cool. Right.

C: It should be a bit harder because now it’s all closed book, and it used to be completely open book.

B: Right.

C: And you could take your notes in with you everywhere.

B: So small. Okay. Right.

C: But like as long as you keep up…

B: You’re fine, it’s just any other unit really.

C: Exactly.

B: Okay. So what drugs have you learned about thus far?

C: None.

B: None?

C: No, we’re learning about history of medicine right now.

B: That’s fun.

C: Yeah that’s exciting. Like I used to work in a pharmacy so like…

B: You’re on top of it.

C: Is it though?

B: I don’t know, well I dunno what fun drugs you’re going to go through learning.

C: That’s true. Well I feel like I’m going to try to come out here with my knowledge like, they’re gonna be like, “Oh, name a cool drug”, and I’m gonna be like, “Ooh orlistat, oh cool, which is a drug that like stops your body from absorbing like fats and stuff like that”, and they’re gonna be like, “Looking for Panadol.”

B: Yeah, [laughs] which is something a bit- take it down a notch, pharmacy boy.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

B: Step it down a bit.

C: We’re looking for ibuprofen.

B: [laugh]

C: Yeah.

B: Um, well that will be interesting.

C: Exactly. I found that like, cause I didn’t do this last semester because last semester I was like, “Uni is my zone, it’s cool. I’m going to walk straight in there, feel powerful, like we’re going to do this and it’s gonna work out in my favour.”

B: [laughs]

C: So what I do now-

B: So I think we lost that train when you walked into the wrong tute room, sat there for ten minutes.

C: That ruined my life.

B: And has that ruined the entire track and then had to walk out and embarrass yourself?

C: Exactly.

B: Ruined your life. So, moving on from that point.

C: So now what I do is I listen to songs that impact my life in no way or shape at all. They don’t reflect anything I’ve done but I pretend they do, to make myself feel good [laugh].

B: Okay [laugh].

C: Like on the way.

B: Okay. Explain that, please.

C: On the way to uni this morning I was listening to Me, Myself and I by Beyoncé.

B: Oh my god.

C: And I was like it is, it’s just me and myself.

B: It’s just me

C: Yeah, I’m never gonna let anyone hurt me again. But here I am like no one ever has. [laugh]

B: It’s so like…

C: Never been in that position before but yeah.

B: But whatever.

C: So that’s my uni pre-game ritual now.

B: Nice.

C: I saw something iconic.

B: Yep.

C: During exam week.

B: Mm.

C: It was amazing I wanna relive it. So I was walking back from Broadway IGA because I ran out of milk lol [laugh].

B: Not getting a bagel, we passed the bagel. Okay good, wonderful.

C: No, we passed that. So I was walking past James Oval…

B: Mm.

C: And there was a girl. Like I’d finished all my exams, I felt great and there was a girl wearing Ugg boots and a dressing gown, in her pyjamas and she had obviously just woken up, sprinting with a clear plastic bag full of… pens and everything, just absolutely sprinting through campus.

B: [laughing] That’s a big mood.

C: Yeah.

B: That’s- that’s every… that, she’s the hero of exam times.

C: Yeah, I was like I’m rooting for you.

B: Good luck, you go!

C: [laughs] Yeah.

B: That’s dedication.

C: How iconic is that? Like…

B: Come third year will get you to that point. We just wake up, get like a 7:45 wake up, 8 o’clock if you’re pushing it. If you have an 8:30 exam, you bolt.

C: Oh, I left out the best part- it was two p.m.

B: Oh my god.


B: You can make it. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.


B: Just sprinting across James Oval.

C: Oh god, yeah that was amazing.

B: I dunno if the Ugg boots would be a help or a hindrance in terms of slowing you down or helping you run.

C: I mean it’s a powerful look.

B: It is a powerful look.

C: Yeah and no one’s gonna get in your way.

B: No.

C: If you run in Ugg boots like that.

B: It’s like when you wear a jacket- when you don’t wear a jacket to the party and someone goes, “Just put a jacket on”, and you’re like, “No, it’s gonna ruin the look!”

C: Yeah.

B: Yeah, you can’t take the Ugg boots off cause it’s part of the vibe.

C: Can you imagine she’s wearing pyjamas and a dressing gown and running shoes? Like… no.

B: It’s just this… then you look like a weirdo, we don’t root for that.

C: Exactly, that’s cancelled.

B: Um- [laughs] so how’s college going? Back to semester two.

C: Yes

B: Any social stuff coming up? Any… what’s your social life looking like?

C: Well college is a bit strange in semester two because not only did like a few people leave, all of the exchanges that you’ve met are-

B: Are gone.

C: Have all yeeted back home- also I can’t stop saying that word.

B: [laughing] I’ve noticed.

C: [laughs]

B: For everyone listening at home, for every second Facebook post from, from Cohen at any point in time, is just yeet.

C: [laughs]

B: Is just captioned “yeet”. this is be-yoted.

C: I hate myself. Anyway…

B: [laughing] Don’t we all?

C: Yes, so they’ve all gone home.

B: Mm-hmm.

C: They’ve all been like replaced by a new batch of exchange students, which is really, really good, except like-

B: Well cause you had all your American friends, didn’t you?

C: Exactly, yep. So my friend group last semester was me, one of my friends from Busselton, a guy from the Perth Hills, and then it was two Americans and a Canadian. So the two Americans and the Canadian have obviously gone home, but the guy from Perth Hills has just gone on exchange as well.

B: Righttt…

C: So…

B: So you’re down to two of you.

C: Yeah, which is cool but like hello?

B: No one’s hoomeee…

C: Yeah, exactly.

B: Well I guess it’s an opportunity for you to make some new friends as well.

C: It is, yeah. So um, the new group’s really, really cool and its pretty much the same at every college.

B: Yep.

C: Because like they just kind of like…

B: Recycle through.

C: Yeah, ten people out, and like it’s cool. Yeah so we had O-week…

B: Mm-hmm.

C: Again.

B: Again?! Oh, cause all the mid-years.

C: Yeah cause there’s like heaps of new people staying.

B: There you go. See? Now you’ve got a foot up.

C: Yeah.

B: You’re not the newest people on the block anymore.

C: We are not.

B: Did they have to do fresher dance?

C: No, they didn’t, they-


C: They were not afforded that privilege.

B: [sighs in disappointment]

C: No, they weren’t. They didn’t have their hearts torn out of their chest by a second-place verdict but that’s fine… So we had all this stuff but um, none of us were invited to any of the events [laugh]

B: [incredulously] Really??

C: [laughing] Yeah.

B: Cause they’re all for mid-years or cause…?

C: Because um, they’re all for like the new people that have come-

B: Coming in.

C: Like right now

B: So you’re just like semi-half freshers.

C: Yeah like…

B: Like hey.

C: So like someone put a notice up not too long ago and they’re like, “Oh we’re having a commencement dinner”, and we were like “Oh my god yeah, yes. Everyone gets to dress up and have their food.” And then like three days before, they were like, “Commencement dinner- only for new people.” I was many thousand kilometres away and I still felt that jab like [grunt].

B: [sympathetically] Oohh.

C: Yeah.

B: Right in the feels.

C: Yeah.

B: Yep.

C: It’s alright, we went to quiz night at varsity instead.

B: OOOH, now the varsity quiz nights are fun, always go to those ones.

C: It is, and it’s a tradition.

B: Is it now?

C: It’s a new tradition with the two of us.

B: I like that.

C: [laughs]

B: But you’re starting one, that’s the important thing.

C: Except some of the questions were like, okay, i’m one of those people and I hate myself for it.

B: Mmm.

C: Where if the answer to a question is wrong, at a quiz, I have to tell them.

B: Oh yeah! I’m that person too.

C: Yeah like its compulsive, I can’t stop.

B: I- yeah.

C: They got two wrong.

B: Two questions wrong?

C: Yeah and I just had to- I just couldn’t.

B: Yeah.

C: It was like I need to either keep drinking [laughs] or-

B: Notify them or leave immediately.

C: Yeah, exactly.

B: Yeah, you can’t have that. Like the amount of quiz nights that I go to, um,. But then you just look like the dickhead in the corner just being [clicks tongue] “Um, actually”.

C: Exactly.

B: This is Beyoncé’s third album.

C: Yeah.

B: Not the second.

C: Literally.

B: Just letting you know.

C: Oh my god. That Molotov was the foreign minister.

[both laughs]

B: Sit down.

C: Yeah.

B: Thanks.

C: Hate that

B: Yep

C: it’s just like there’s like this… there’s just this fire burning inside you and you’re like just cool it…

B: Yeah

C: Cool it… cool it…

B: It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s just general knowledge

C: Yeah.

B: It’s… it’s not a big deal…

C: And two seconds-

B: [clenching teeth] It’s a big deal

C: [obnoxious voice] Excuse me! [laughs]

B: [yelling] Hello??

C: Yeah.

B: You know when you’re three… whatever’s deep.

C: Yeah, I know.

B: Alright, well that’s cool. That’s a good… That’s a nice thing that you’re forming.

C: So good.

B: Between that and CAPS, you’ve got all your traditions.

C: Very true.

B: Mmm.

C: Yeah

B: Have you been back to CAPS yet?

C: I have been back to CAPS.

B: The prodigal son returns.

C: [laughs] Yes, he does. Oh god, yeah.

B: See how many drinks you can get bought for you in one night.

C:  Yeah. Oh my god. That- that ended… a long time ago, but yeah.

B: Run out of steam.

C: Exactly.

B: Yep. And no one’s come up from Albany in midyear intake? Into the college?

C: A few people have, but not where I live. Most of them end up going to like Curtin and stuff.

B: Ohh okay.

C: Cause I think they take a few more people.

B: Okay. Cool.

C: But yeah.

B: Very cool.

C: It’s strange, it’s been shaken up but I like it.

B: Yeah?

C: Yeah.

B: So I guess it means less people for the moment interrupting you in your room also.

C: That’s true.

B: Yep.

C: But I welcome that now because it means I don’t have to read.

B: You don’t have to do more readings.

C: Exactly.

B: Yep.

C: Maybe- [sighs] It’s just like I’ve been hit by the biggest wave-

B: Mm.

C: -of procrastination this semester.

B: Yeah?

C: And-

B: This semester’s only begun for a week and a half and yet…

C: And yet I’m so far behind already.

B: Yeah.

C: [laughs] Cause it’s like every time I look at my textbook…

B: Mm.

C: I turn into that picture of Mariah Carrey where she’s like, “Suddenly, I can’t read.”

B: [laughs] Yeah.

C: [laughs]

B: Oh my goodness, what is this?

C: Yeah, exactly.

B: Yeah.

C: But I think we’re getting back on track.

B: Yep. Good.

C: I went to Reid today.

B: Nice.

C: Reid library.

B: Just even if you sit in the library, absorb the vibes, being around people who are studying…

C: Exactly.

B: It’s like it’s okay.

C: Yes, of course.

B: Absorbing the atmosphere.

C: Yeah.

B: Even if you’re not doing anything, yep.

C: Yeah. How’s um, uni started off for you?

B: It’s just lots of lectures and stuff, um, and trying to timetable everything together. Timetabling is a joy, um, I don’t know if you enjoy putting your timetable together but…

C: I really do.

B: Yeah. Making everything fit and being like ooh. like you gotta…

C: Colour-coding.

B: Yeah. You got a really tight day where it’s like you know, all your lectures and tutes fit in and you’re just like, “Mm! Nine till three, yes!”

C: [laughs]

B: Um, or like you know you’ve got a big two-hour gap, you’re like, “Tsk. Disappointing.”

C: Yeah.

B: What am I gonna do in that? Like I’d rather…

C: Here’s something I really want to do this semester.

B: Mm.

C: Because I think it’d be the ultimate power move.

B: Mm.

C: I want to go to a lecture…

B: Mm.

C: Take my laptop out, put my headphones in and then livestream the lecture while I’m in the lecture theatre.

B: To who, like who are you livestreaming it to?

C: To me, like I’m gonna watch it on lecture capture system. Can you do that? Does it record live?

B: Wha- hang on. Hang on. So you want to go to a lecture…

C: Yeah.

B: That you’re not enrolled in?

C: That I AM enrolled in.

B: And- [realising] oh, yeah, no yeah. It would totally record. But you have to wait an hour, I think.

C: Do you?

B: Yeah

C: Aww, so I can’t even do it.

B: Nah.

C: That’s ridiculous.

B: [laughs] So you wanted to go to the lecture and be in the lecture but watch the lecture whilst you’re in the lecture.

C: Yeah?

B: Right. No, you have to wait, I think. I think it’s like an hour or two while the upload processing does its voodoo.

C: That is so stupid.

B: Yeah. That would be the ultimate power move though.

C: That means I have to go to my two-hour lecture now, just so that I can do that.

B: Well- yeah just so you can do it, but that’s the point of lecture capture. You don’t go to the lecture and you just watch it online.

C: That’s right.

B: Exactly. Um, nah I thought you were being like I’ll go and livestream it for people and sit in the front and just hold up your phone and be like I’m doing livestream.

C: Yeah, [laughs] it’s a vlog.

B: Yep. [louder] hello! Welcome to my vloggggg, my name is Cohennnn. Don’t forget to like and subscribeee, like…

C: Oh my god.

B: Welcome to my daily life of a uni studentttttt, like.

C: Oh my god, I love that.

B: Yep. Yep.

C: Yep. Oh, college has swung back into full force, and you can tell that because the population of the Av has increased by 200%.

B: Mmm, 200%? Yep, yep, in the off season, everyone would have gone home, now they’re back. Back to the watering hole.

C: I would never ever enter that place again.

B: Bad?

C: It’s a sweaty mess.

B: Yeah it’s a sweaty mess, for everyone listening the av is a nightclub down near Claremont, uh, corner?

C: Yeah.

B: Yeah?

C: Yeah, that’s right.

B: Yep, St Quentin’s Ave out the back, it’s just not good.

C: Yeah.

B: It’s dirty.

C: And then someone threw a cigarette at the car, and we’re like, “Maybe we should go…”

B: [laughs] “Maybe we should leave. Um…”

C: It’s like if you don’t- if you want something to make sure that you never go to the Av, then follow avenue_adventures on Instagram.

B: Okay?

C: Have you head of that?

B: No.

C: It’s an Instagram page where they post pics of people making out at the Av in like a-

B: Beautiful.

C: -horrible drunken state. They put an Instagram story up of two people getting nasty in the toilet at one time.

B: [gasps] Right, we’re at a law school party last week. One of my friends is on the committee for, for Blackstone law, the law society here.

C: Oh okay.

B: Um, and so she was, ah, to quote unquote “Party Patrols”. Someone, one of the security guards came up to her and was like, “You might want to sort situations out in the ladies toilet”, and she was like, “What do you mean?”, went in there, this two separate couples, both getting nasty in two separate cubicles [laugh]…

C: How do you- oh my god…

B: I don’t know, I don’t know.

C: People.

B: And so, she had to be the one to go in there and be like [louder] ALRIGHT, everybody OUT.

C: [laughs]

B: [clapping] Everybody out.

C: Oh god, I’d just hit the fire alarm.


B: Leave this place out, everybody goes. It’s YOUR Fault it’s cancelled.

C: Oh my goddd.

B: Yeah.

C: Disgusting.

B: Yeah, I don’t know.

C: Speaking of disgusting…

B: Mm.

C: Could we jump back to exam season just for a second?

B: Yeah.

C: And talk about the Reid library bathrooms?


C: How dare they be so disgusting!

B: [laughing]

C: So if I’m in the library at three a.m., I don’t want to have to walk into the bathroom and then immediately just die.

B: Yeah, they’re not good. and the fact that they were just recently renovated anyway, and they’re still gross?

C: What? How recently?

B: The ones on the ground floor?

C: Yeah.

B: Yeah. Um, probably about last year?

C: Are you joking?

B: Yeah.

C: Okay, alright. Nasty.

B: Nasty.

C: Top 100 university and people don’t know how to use a toilet.


B: Well, cause people live in the library during exam time.

C: Yeah.

B: Like people camp out there, shower, like don’t leave. I’m like- that’s not how I vibe. but if it’s your thing, go for it, but just I couldn’t.

C: Yeah.

B: Cause usually you know, if you’re trying to have a shower in there and its just like mess, its not good.

C: Is there a shower in there?

B: I’m pretty sure in down in ground floor in Reid.

C: Maybe there is.

B: Yeah, the showers in there.

C: Geez.

B: Yeah.

C: Cause I know someone who went there for 17 hours straight one time

B: [exhale]

C: And then got told to leave by security cause you’re not allowed to sleep in there.

B: Yeah, not allowed to sleep that’s one thing. Seventeen hours stint?

C: Yeah.

B: See get to postgrad and you get access to the postgrad room, which is SO nice. It’s completely quiet, like you can hear a pin drop.

C: Okay.

B: And they got nicer toilets and it’s just a better experience than Reid library, so do a post grad and get free access to the postgrad room.

C: Cause I can’t go to the quiet study zone without someone answering a phone.

B: Or find someone doing postgrad and steal their beep card.

C: Wow.

B: Mm-hmm.

C: Every time I picture the postgrad room…

B: Yep.

C: I just imagine someone opening a golden door and just an angel chorus coming out.

B: [singing in high pitched] Yep.

C: Literally, being like “Welcome, sister”.

B: Air-conditioned. Its perfect plush couches.

C: There’s a bathroom attendant.

B: Yep- with towels.

C: And then you go back to the bottom floor and it’s like that scene in Mean Girls where they had the fountain-


B: People scrambling over each other, throwing…

C: Literally, yeah.

B: Down in the carnage, down in the ground floor.

C: Yeah. Oh my gosh.

B: I think that just about does it then, for this episode of Better Late than Fresher. You gotta think of a sign off, as per usual. Nothing changes in semester two, Cohen.

C: It doesn’t.

B: Nup.

C: Season two- the remix.

B: Um, as always, thank you everybody for listening, and I guess sticking with us over the hiatus. We’re back and we’ll be on a semi-regular fortnightly basis, depending on schedules and when we can record. If you have any questions or anything you want to have Cohen or I chat about, you can just email to [email protected] and send it through to me, and then we’ll talk about it. Also! Pelican has a whole lot of new podcasts which are being uploaded. For a while Better Late than Fresher was the only podcast that Pelican was putting out.

C: The OG.

B: The OG, we were the OG podcast.


B: Um, but now we’ve got some fantastic new ones coming out. Everybody, please go listen to ‘Thicc Queens In Cars’. It’s the new podcast that Laura and Izzy are doing, and they’re wonderful. It’s all recorded in their car. Please, please go listen to it and there’ll be more coming out in the future as well. So, we’re not alone anymore, we have podcast friends. Cohen, have you got something to go?

C: Yes.

B: So, I’m Bridget.

C: I’m Cohen, and that was another FRESH MESS!


[Upbeat end theme starts to play]

B: You bet it was.

[Both laughing as music plays]

B: Alright, see you guys.

C: See you later.

Transcribed by Rachel D’Castro

By Pelican Magazine

Pelican is one of the oldest student publications in Australia and the only independent paper at UWA. If you enjoy writing, then Pelican is the place for you! We print six themed issues a year, and run a stream of online content.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *