Day 22 of guild elections, and I’m still not really sure what is going on. I honestly cannot name one STAR policy platform, despite the fact that there are green bits of paper everywhere. Possibly, we’re just supposed to vote for them because they smile a lot. The only Launch policy that comes to mind is the $10 jug thing, which, depending on who you talk to, might not even be legal under the Tav’s liquor licence.

Some fresh new benign platform ideas for next year’s candidates – you guys can have these for free:

-A Dyson Airwave in every bathroom! UWA Students deserve dry hands
-Straight up get rid of the Public Affairs Council and give their budget to EMAS
-No more mature age students. It’s so annoying to be in tutorials where people have done the readings
-Replace the white plastic cutlery in the Ref with that slightly more expensive imitation silver plastic cutlery. This is a Group of Eight university, after all

Voting has finished for the day, but STAR are still playing music reaaaaaallly loudly. We can hear it from the Pelican office. We are so done. Right now this song, widely regarded as one of the worst adult contemporary jams of all time, is playing. I can picture them now, all hanging out on Oak Lawn, slowly swaying in time to the beat, holding hands in a circle, reflecting back on the day’s happy memories.  I’d call them cult-like, but at least people in cults have sex.

Everyone we’ve talked to today has conveyed their frank disillusionment with this election, and there are still two days of voting to go. Even seasoned hacks are expressing their support for independent candidate Sahil Panag and the cake eaters of the Birthday Party.

What are your thoughts? Who are you voting for? What’s your favourite kind of birthday cake? Email us at [email protected]

Words by Kat Gillespie




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