25 Days of Guild Elections, Day 13: Only Pelican will deliver real results

To make up for our absence yesterday, we present to you a special BUMPER EDITION DUAL POST, in which Pelican’s two editors regale you with the stories from their weekends that you didn’t ask for.

KAT

An angry Facebook message from Tom Beyer, a six dollar bottle of wine, a series of confusing texts from my ex boyfriend – just a standard Friday night, to be honest. I attended a fabulous party with my housemates, an experience marred by the fact that I was checking the Pelican Facebook page notifications every thirty seconds, to the obvious irritation of the other guests. My phone’s battery died around 11pm, which induced actual heart palpitations. Have I become that which I most detest? Am I…a hack?

We sincerely apologise for the lack of Saturday night post – I know that Cameron Payne #CamPayne in particular was craving a fix. The Guild internet server broke somehow, and while I’m not definitively saying that it was the enormous amount of traffic directed towards our election posts that did it, that is exactly the explanation I’ve been giving to anyone who has asked.

So, I’ve got beef with the official Liberty Launch LAUNCH Instagram account – I followed it eagerly, in part with the hope that some Abbott-style beachside promotion pics of a shirtless Rhys Tucker would emerge as a campaign strategy. I wouldn’t put such a move beyond campaign manager Liam Staltari, the blond haired Young Liberal cutie rumoured to be the ‘mastermind’ behind #surveygate. Anyway, LAUNCH didn’t follow me back – rookie error. Bet they followed @benskysbrunch.

The ever-savvy STAR team not only chucked me a return follow, but also liked one of my pictures from several months ago. Thanks! I’m trying to rival Maddie Mulholland’s social media presence, and in that regard I really need all of the help I can get.

Oh – heaps of people messaged us about Liberal party MP Liz Behjat endorsing the official LAUNCH Facebook page by sharing it on her account. To be honest, like, this isn’t groundbreaking stuff. If you’re Facebook friends with any STAR candidates, you’ll probably have seen a couple of them post pictures of themselves grinning next to Tanya Plibersek at an official ALP event recently. Let’s not pretend for a moment that any party running in this election doesn’t have ties to Federal politics. These people have wet dreams about Canberra every night. All we can really do is pray for them.

Also – up until this point, Pelican has tried its best to assure everybody that we are unbiased in our election coverage. Hell, I hadn’t even planned to vote. But if any candidate is deserving of this magazine’s endorsement, it’s this guy. Chuck him a like.

LUCY

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. Kat and I went to the opening of the Italian Film Festival on Thursday night, and they were handing out free champers and cups of these long, churro-like donut thingos. I don’t know what was in them, but they were amazing. So amazing, in fact, that we each took way more than our fair share and covered ourselves in dusted sugar while we watched an Italian rom-com (very charming, at least a 6/10). It was disgusting. The next morning, Kat’s donuts, um… made an unwelcome return. Yesterday, a whole two days later, I had to go home early from work so that my donuts could, um, return. I had to go home sick because of donuts.

Then the Pelican website crashed. ‘What about 25 Days of Guild Elections?’ I moaned, lying in bed, ‘United College Kids presidential candidate and our biggest fan Cam Payne is waiting for today’s post.’ Alas, it’s Sunday, and here we are.

In the name of student journalism, I have dutifully liked and followed both LAUNCH/Launch and STAR’s various social media platforms. Campaign blackout ended on Friday at 5pm, and I did think that this weekend would bear more social media fruit – where are the websites? Where are the policies? It looks like the major tickets are staggering their BIG REVEALS, which is fun. Kind of feels like watching The Bachelor, and we’re in an ad break. I actually really loathe The Bachelor, so the analogy works.

I’d say the strategy’s paying off, or at least it is for STAR, as presidential candidate Maddie Mulholland’s profile picture, at last count, sits at over 500 likes. I’m so fascinated by this online campaigning. I mean, have you ever seen a picture of a non-celebrity get that many likes?

An unfortunate side effect of LAUNCH/Launch/Liberty’s rebrand is starting a new Facebook page. While STAR sits on a hefty 1401 likes, a result of simply changing the ‘2015’ in their page’s title to ‘2016’, Launch fall behind with a meager 526 likes. Is any of this important? Not sure. Whatever.

What STAR don’t have is a daggy promotional video. But an hour ago LAUNCH’S presidential candidate Rhys Tucker uploaded a video feat. only himself, red shirted and wildly gesticulating about campus, waxing lyrical about his ticket and how ‘only LAUNCH will deliver real results.’ Tucker’s keen project management skills will hold him in good stead. I mean, in that video alone he’s not only campaigning for LAUNCH, but at the very same time he’s reaching his FitBit goals.

My favourite elections tidbit from the weekend has been the weighing in of one Teresa van Lieshout, candidate in the Canning by-election from the so-called Voters’ Rights Party. You might know van Lieshout from her recent appearance on Sunrise, or that Guardian summary of the Canning candidates. The Palmer United Party disendorsed her before the campaign began, and this is not her first go at federal politics. She’s also a notorious YouTuber, and a lover of the acrostic poem. I’m about her – an aspiring politician whose name is literally ‘lie’ plus ‘shout’. It writes itself. A fan asked Teresa van Lieshout if she would lend her poetic talents to these guild elections, and she kindly obliged. That’s where we leave you.