It’s PROM TIME BITCHES!!!!!!! Gossip Goh answers all your questions about how to do 90s Fashion right – see YOU on the dance floor!!!
I’m SO excited for Pelican Prom!!!! I wanna go as Posh Spice, but my friends keep telling me that I’m more of a Baby Spice – what do I do?
Do you notice how Posh doesn’t do anything on stage and specifically refrains herself from smiling/jumping? Or that her microphone is always muted? You’ve probably mastered the bitch face and stylistically planned your outfits a week before from your years in retail so externally, you’re probably Posh – but your friends obviously know you as that drunken girl who jumps when she hears Van Halen and stops right now, thank you very much, because she needs somebody with the human touch.
Amalgamate your two identities – dress it up with a black slip dress and a pink feather boa… maybe make that black slip sparkly polyester. The stilettos are obviously calling but if you’re gonna be my lover, you have got to dance with my friends… dancing isn’t easy with stilettos.
Triple denim? Yay or nay?
Canada is the land of Trudeau, maple syrup and their sweet, sweet, denim tuxes. If you get the right op shop, the right fit, everything should work out well – just don’t let that 97% cotton 3% elastane blend rip right before your eyes while you’re dancing, you Womanizer!
With those moves, your spiky Timberlake hair and your fedora for that added chic, you’ll probably be bringing sexyback in no time… see you on the dance floor, you intoxicating beast
No one has asked me to PelicanProm – I’m scared I’ll die alone – is there anything I can do/wear to make sure this doesn’t happen? help me please.
– Never Been Kissed
Honey, I don’t think that newspaper job is doing you any good… you may look young but the times, they are a’changing. Get tinder. Buy your own ticket. Find someone, Dionne-and-Don style, dancing together at house parties.
… If all that fails, I’ll kiss you. See you under the mistletoe!
xoxo Gossip Goh
Words by Callista Goh
Need fashion advice? send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and Gossip Goh will help you.