Ballet is defined as an artistic dance performed to music, using precise and highly formalised set steps and gestures. I know this because I googled it in the über on my way to His Majesty’s. It was my first time at the ballet, and I arrived to find a red carpet reception and a room full of real, non-student journalists in tuxedos. I can only assume The Pelican got sent tickets by mistake. But I had my hottest tinder match clinging to my arm and I was determined to make the most of it. The performance began with the death of Cinderella’s mother, and I quickly realised that there’s no dialogue in ballet. Despite this, the plot was engaging and easy to follow. So great job by choreographer Jayne Smeulders, I guess. The performance was a captivating mix of intensity and purity. I wouldn’t quite call it a rollercoaster, but it was at least The Gravitron. By intermission I was just as excited about the prospect of more ballet as I was about the bottomless free champagne. The second act upped the ante with impressive sets and more energy, and at no point did I wonder how long was left. The entire company performed well, but Cinderella’s family stole the show. Sarah Hepburn and Melissa Boniface’s portrayal of the Step Sisters was not only technically astounding, buts also legitimately funny. They pursued the prince with gusto, and mixed classical ballet with modern dance moves that bordered on sexual assault. Cinderella’s father played a small but surprisingly powerful role in the performance, giving a unique point of view to the classic story. It turns out he’s just a man trying to make the best of a bad marriage. His stoic, exasperated glances contrasted well with the carnival of passion that made up most of the show. When the curtain dropped I was left entertained, and determined that I would be able to touch my toes by Christmas.

The verdict: I had a great time and my date basically wet herself. So yes, you should go see some ballet.

Words By Jacob Sutton