Actual Men not seen at 0 by p

There will be no history books written about the UWA Guild. Instead, to find out about the Guild representatives of yesteryear you have to rely on a strange and contradictory string of oral histories from the tribal elders. By tribal elders I of course mean guild hacks who’ve made it over the age of 24, close to the end of their average lifespan of around 26. Few things are agreed upon except that since time immemorial (at least the early 2000s) there have been two major contenders for the student representative seats – one party roughly analogous to Young Labor, and one party roughly analogous to the Young Libs.

This isn’t how all universities in Australia run their Guild Elections. Other stupol parties in Perth don’t have anywhere near as much of an established party machine, meaning third parties taking over is fairly common, and where major party members are elected, they’re more open to ideas from outside their own ideological leanings. At UWA however, the environment is a bit more similar to federal politics. *Shudders*. Maybe it’s something in the water; maybe it’s the born-to-rule attitude that trickles down from having an entirely prestige-based University. Who knows, I digress.

We’re still currently in blackout, meaning that parties can’t openly campaign yet. That doesn’t mean that they haven’t started, it’s just restricted to “building their profile.” This is the bloody terrifying phenomenon that explains why a guild polly may have unexpectedly shown up at the party, and is now eating the cheese while explaining how “some people” just can’t be trusted to run the Guild. It’s also the reason that we’re still relying on rumours and the occasional back alley dumpster rummage to find information on who’s running. This is no new information to those with their ears to the wall, but it’s pretty easy to see who’s running for president:

Nevin Jayawardena will be running for STAR: the party with the closest ties to Young Labor, with a few Greenies thrown in for flavour.

Nick “Angry Jesus” Brown will be running for Left Action: the party with the closest ties to Socialist Alternative or “SAlt”.

Wei Tien Sng will be running for LAUNCH: the party with the closest ties to The Young Liberals, may or may not have ties to a Nationals supporter with a hilarious name.

As we mentioned yesterday, it’s unlikely any minor or joke parties are running, so it looks like these are your only options. We mourn the loss of the possibility of cake.

Words by Hayden Dalziel


Send your goss, gripes and garlands to [email protected]. Anonymity guaranteed, but really how are you going to become a BNOC that way. Did an Actual Man appear at your party? We’d love to hear.

Please don’t mention how we miscounted and will actually be doing 26 days of election coverage, we’ve shed enough tears.

By Pelican Magazine

Pelican Magazine acknowledges the Whadjuk Noongar people as the Traditional Custodians of the land—Whadjuk Boodja—on which we live, write, and work. We pay our respects to Elders past and present. // Pelican is the second-oldest student publication in Australia and the only independent paper at UWA. If you like having opinions, writing, drawing, and/or free tickets to local events, then Pelican is the place for you! We print SIX themed issues a year, and run a stream of online content. // Email your 2024 Editors (Abbey Wheeler and Jack Cross) here: [email protected] // Where to find us: Upstairs in Guild Village. Address: M300, 35 Stirling Highway, Crawley 6009 WA // Pelican Magazine of the UWA Student Guild & The University of Western Australia.

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