Before your taste buds became refined and you learned to eat in a socially acceptable way, what were the go-to meals you’d make after school? I asked a variation of this question to the masses, and returned home with a nice range of new, simple and exciting culinary ideas. Feel free to try these at home.
I used to mix a horrendous amount of Milo (probably almost a cup) with a tiny amount of milk to create a super thick, grainy mud texture. Then I’d microwave for a minute, stopping it frequently to stir so it didn’t burn. If all that Milo wasn’t enough, sometimes I’d add honey to the sludgy molten sugar packed monstrosity. Sometimes just a can of 4 bean mix with a spoon, not drained.
Fake Sizzler Toast
Spread butter on toast and coat heavily with Parmesan. Either fry (butter and cheese on both sides) or bake (just one side).
-tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce
-tomato sauce on rice
-tomato sauce on popcorn
-tomato sauce on white bread
Layer a slice of cold brown bread with raspberry jam and whipped cream from a can. Then sprinkle with raw sugar. This recipe was invented by my grandma to teach my brother and I a new word. From then on it became an after school staple, and my grandfather seeing us eat would always grumble “this was supposed to be an exercise in linguistics, not an exercise in gluttony.”
The Graceless and Un-Pocketed Pizza Pocket
A piece of bread with ketchup and cheese put in the microwave for 30 seconds. Voila.
Pre-adventure Telly Bowl
I used to mix up a bowl of icing (as in butter, icing sugar and cocoa) to eat while watching telly, before going to the ocean/bush.
Hollow out a carrot, mix all the carrot shavings with salad dressing, shove them back in the carrot, carve plugs for each end out of carrot.
Dry Mouth Dandies
It’s a Weet-Bix wheat brick, with Vegemite and butter on top. A top notch dry treat for all the kiddies.
Place dollop of Vegemite on middle of bread slice. Cut off crusts and roll into a compact, grease-stained ball. Keep repeating until the entire loaf has been turned to Pizza Balls.
When I first was allowed to be home alone, I’d take a dry Weet-Bix and spread it with margarine and then sprinkle it with 100s and 1000s, which created the worst texture imaginable, but for some reason excited me.
Mi Goreng rolled up in a tortilla. Never thought to name it at the time but Mex Goreng would have been the anatomically correct name.
Deconstructed Tina Wafer
I would take these and slowly peel apart each layer of wafer, lick the cream off, and then dissolve the discarded wafer in my cup of tea … I don’t know why I did this when it just created a gross sludgy mess, but I enjoyed the different textures at the time. Also, I would have Greek yoghurt with a dash of vanilla extract and those silver cachous that you decorate cupcakes with for a big serving of Cronch.
Half and half ratio of milk and choc ripple biscuits in a cup
My whole family hates me for this.
Ingredients: tinned tuna in olive oil, mayonnaise, bunch of salt & pepper.
I learnt to make this much too young, and it still reminds me of being ten years old. You want to tip out most of the oil before mixing in the mayo, unless you’re a particularly oily friend.
Slice open a spring onion and spread the inside with wasabi, Vegemite, tahini and chilli sauce. Then wrap it around a slice of cheese. I also once knew a dude who put so much Vegemite on his toast that he had to eat it upside down or folded, otherwise it burnt the roof of his mouth.
Take cheddar block out of fridge. Chop 1cm width piece off. Microwave for a minute. Eat cheddar. Lick cheese oil off plate. Repeat.
Rice, broccoli (chopped finely), balsamic vinegar, basil. Don’t ask me why, I just used to make this. It tasted foul but I was adamant that I had to eat it.
Recipes compiled by Ben Yaxley
This article first appeared in print volume 88 edition 5 HOME.