I witnessed a furious brawl outside a teahouse, the type frequented almost exclusively by older men. I wasn’t sure what the source of the commotion was, but I saw a man in his sixties, apparently the Turkish brother of Trainspotting’s Francis Begbie, throw a head high blow at his companion. I have to stress, they were drinking tea at three in the afternoon. Something must have gone horribly wrong in the afternoon tea process to turn this moustachioed codger into Andrew Gaff.