Conspiracy theorist and absurdist character actor Alex Jones has been offered a permanent tenured position at the University of Western Australia, following his expulsion from a number of prominent social media sites last week.

“We felt it was a natural fit,” said one UWA board member. “We’ve already opened the door to one group of evangelical fuckwits that totally contradict the inclusive values of our institution, what’s one more?”

Jones, whose political beliefs predominantly revolve around shrieking loudly about chemtrails and selling shoddy ‘wellness’ products to vain Nazis, is expected to take up his lecturing position at the start of next year. It is believed that Mr. Jones turned down the role of (Crisis) Acting Coach at WAAPA in favour of the more lucrative deal with UWA.

“It’s great that I’ve been given an outlet to continue peddling fiction,” said Jones, who is set to lecture in a variety of fields, including Literature and Cultural Studies. The first year unit ENGL1401: Narrative in the Digital Age is set to be replaced by ‘The Tortoise and the Cuck: Aesop and the 2016 US Presidential Election.’ Accordingly, the Communications and Media Studies major will be revamped, with a greater focus on screaming nonsense into a camera.

“We’re excited to have Alex on board,” said a UWA Executive. “We feel it’s essential to expose students to a variety of ideas, no matter how bat-shit insane, steeped in prejudice or otherwise objectively false.”

In related news, UWA will no longer be offering science majors.

Hugh Hutchison | @ugh_hutch

Hugh says go sign this