Describe your music in three words?
George: For God’s Sake.
Jordan: Doctor Dre Dre.
If your music were a food, what would it be?
G: The airplane that guy ate in the Guinness Book of Records.
Tell us about your new album.
J: It’s fucked up
G: Sam’s so proud of it that it’s almost creepy enough for me to forget how bad his breath smells in the morning.
J: You know OK Computer, inside the booklet, go to page 3.
G: You know what we mean.
What can people expect at your live shows?
J: A bootylicious lead singer.
G: And yes, it is all natural.
J: None of that Nicki Minaj shit. But actually, a stank ass dirt hungry lead guitarist, an absent bassist (mentally, lights are on upstairs but no one’s home). George is up the back playing drugs. You can just see his nose. And some music. Some nice music.
What are your lyrics about?
G: Our new song was written by Sam, and it’s called nothing. It’s about nothing. The chorus goes, “nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.”
If you could be any other band in the world who would you be?
Both (at the same time): Psychedelic Porn Crumpets.
I see you’re wearing a Shit Narnia t-shirt. Are they Shit or Narnia? What’s the verdict?
J: Narnia the above-a. They just make good quality shirts. Horrible band, great clothing.
The theme of this issue is Blue, what do you think of that?
J: “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 65. Had that on a single when I was 10.
G: Blue waffle is my favourite photo on the Internet.
Band name: what have you got to say for yourselves?
J: Oops. George thought it was funny when he was young now we all have to live with it.
G: Everyone thinks it’s supposed to be a vagina, then I tell them I just like the sound of the words, and they just go, oh yeah…
J: Anymore questions? We have an interview with Triple J in 5 minutes.
Did you know Moistoyster can be anagrammed into Mister Sooty, My Tortoises, or Story Time So?
G: Story time! No Mister Sooty, these are my tortoises!
Interview by Tess Bury
This interview first appeared in print volume 88 edition 6 BLUE
You can find Moistoyster on Facebook, Soundcloud and Bandcamp.