My History tutor told me you don’t get high distinctions in History

My English tutor told me that it is hard to define Modernism

I know a lot about the influence of the Franco Regime on Catholicism in Catalonia.

My housemates do very well at University.

 

Sometimes I have a feeling that a fig will fall on my head

New Fortune Theatre is really fucking nice to look at

I think I can make it to my 11.00 class if I leave at 10.45.

Drivers in Australia don’t seem to believe in pedestrian crossings.

 

The ‘Leased’ sign went up on the house across the road three weeks ago

They haven’t moved in yet and I am curious to know if they are students

The rest of our neighbours are families with young children.

I hate the sound of recorders

 

The curtains are placed too high so that they float just above the floor

But someone put them up for me so I can’t very well say that I don’t enjoy like them

Also, they are black.

I can’t figure out what time of day it is.

 

Our drains are often blocked

The bathroom has flooded twice this week

I’ve told the real estate agent that when we shower the water in the bath comes up to mid-calf level.

Their response: ‘mature tree roots.’

 

The lemons on the tree are ripe finally

They hang above the shed and sometimes they fall onto the roof of the shed

I can’t reach them unless I strike them with an outdoor broom.

I suspect they will begin to rot soon.

 

I cut my fringe and toned my hair

The front got shorter and all of it greener

Apparently, tomato sauce can remedy this.

I haven’t eaten tomato sauce for the last fifteen years.

 

We invited friends to our very first house warming

I asked them not to put the clove of garlic in the freezer

It’s been there for three months now.

We are not very good at recycling.

 

I enjoy a vodka lime and soda (real lime not lime cordial, if you’ve got it)

One-night-stand culture is really something

My housemate says these are our formative years.

I hope she is wrong.

 

Words by Jane Lochrie

This poem first appeared in print volume 88 edition 5 HOME.