Following a post yesterday in which Pelican speculated that Guild Director Tony Goodman had purposefully tempted then denied an Executive Editor with two Caramello Koalas which had emerged mysteriously from his pockets, Tony visited the Editors’ office today to bequeath to them two extra large items of the popular confectionary products.

He arrived at 2:15pm alone and unannounced, bearing the sweet marsupial-themed wrappered runny-centred goods. Not only did the visit interrupt a highly productive workflow, but its nature was neither explained nor clarified at any point throughout.

“Here,” he said in a low, gruff tone, slipping the items slyly into Editor Kate’s hand. “These are yours.”

The Pelican Editors regard this conduct as extremely untoward, suspicious and unprofessional – particularly from an executive member of Guild staff. We do not take them with any good conscience, aware that the gifting of this oh-so-tasty and atypically-enormous sugar-filled brown treat of the Dairy Milk cocoa tree very likely constitutes a bribe; to temper our Guild Election coverage, keep us sweet on the organisation, and to quell our ire over the taking down of a controversial post on Saturday without our consent.

“Cheeky buggers,” Tony warned, making a sloping exit of the room.

You shall find of the two Caramello Koalas in our office no evidence or trace.

Words by Kate Prendergast